Silence

Terrifying Darkness

Healthy, I loved running and walking for hours on end. Relaxing feeling as the wind blowing through my hair, listening to music through earphones, without a care in the world. Teaching early morning aerobics at 5:30 a.m., enjoyable never a problem, enjoyed dancing to the music. One decision driving home from work changed my life forever. Should I wait for the accident ahead to clear, or take an alternate route home? I took the alternate route. Technically, was this meant to be, or is this my punishment for being so impatient?

Fender bender accident, whiplash from behind, nothing too serious (at least that's what I thought at first), pushed into the car in front, my car looked like an accordion. Both ends of my car were crushed. Slammed my left side of my head and ear, not sure where they hit as everything happened so fast. Instantly, my left ear kept ringing; it wouldn't stop ringing. It was impossible to sleep. I retired to bed fine. I woke up the following morning in a complete silent world. Trying to sleep in total silence was becoming a nightmare; becoming afraid of the dark as my mind imagines dangers I cannot control, creating panic attacks, and restless sleep. I lived in fear of trying to sleep as my mind never shuts off. My mind wanders looking for something it can never find, often times waking up in a cold sweat, screaming out for help.

Tested with an MRI to diagnose a brain tumour, stroke, MS, spinal tap testing for meningitis--all clear. A mystery medically still never solved. Retired to bed fine, no ear ache (never had any) and woke up deaf. Only legible medical cause has to be the fender bender whiplash accident, no other explanation. I've never suffered with any ear problems my entire life, never an ear ache, infection, nothing.

"If you can't fly, then run. If you can't run, then walk. If you can't walk, then crawl, but whatever you do, you have to keep moving forward" (Martin Luther King Jr.).

by Eileen M.A. Poulsen

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